I have no idea what I am doing with my life.
While this narrative seems to follow nearly every twenty-year-old that has ever lived, I truly have no idea what I am doing.
But this isn’t anything new to me. Since adolescence, decision making, no matter how miniscule, has terrified me.
To give you context, I see picking a place to eat for lunch as daunting as picking the names of my future children.
But recently, my life has gotten a lot harder because I have a lot of decision making to do, and soon.
In approximately five weeks, I will complete my Associate’s degree here at EPCC.
Meaning, I have to get ready to transfer to a four-year university.
While most of my peers are preparing to head to UTEP and continue their studies, I continue to draft pro and con lists that detail potential fields of study, universities and possible career paths.
I am nowhere near prepared to make these decisions and yet here I am on the first of April still contemplating the weight of a million “what ifs.”
As a natural born worrier it’s easy for me to freak out about the future. At this point, it’s almost second nature.
But in the midst of my indecision and anxiety over a future that isn’t even here yet, I tend to forget one very vital piece of information.
I forget that I will be the first person in my family to graduate from college.
To someone that has never had to worry about affording school or working to break generational and cultural barriers in their family, that might not seem like a big deal.
I mean it’s just “community college” right? Well, not to me.
While I dreamed of leaving town and attending prestigious universities as a high school student, the reality of the situation was: there was no way that I could afford it.
This mindset discouraged me from taking a chance on a lot of opportunities but I still hoped that someday I would achieve my far-fetched academic plans.
Fast forward to April 1st and I am preparing to finish my first of many degrees. I am fortunate enough to say that through hard work and countless scholarship applications, I have options.
Which is something I would have never thought possible.
Often times, we as people mitigate our own success, fearing that it isn’t as worthy when compared to others.
My success might not be as glamorous as someone my age graduating from Harvard, but how lucky am I to be getting a higher education in the first place?
While I am uncertain of my field of study, next university and future career path, I know that one fact remains: I will be the first person in my family to graduate from college.
And that in and of itself is something that is without question in my mind.