I keep getting asked “what I plan to do” after moving away from my significant other for college.
The answer to this is not a simple one but in pondering this, I’ve reflected on my three-year relationship and what I’ve gathered from it.
To begin with, I went into the relationship without the intention of it lasting long.
Both he and I originally thought we were going to move right after senior year of high school.
I think chemistry, as opposed to time, played the bigger role, if not entirely the reason, why we decided to start exclusively dating.
Even if it would only be for a few months.
Chemistry played such a significant role for me that even though we only knew each other for a few days, I felt confident in the boyfriend-girlfriend label within the same week.
This doesn’t work for everyone but I realized in that week that I would rather dive in than test the waters with this person.
If someone were to ask me what our first date was, I wouldn’t really know how to answer that because our relationship was very much based on conversation.
Conversations about travel, why the world is the way it is, other people, politics, television, history, religion, anything.
We didn’t necessarily have a first “official” date to the movies or had a fancy dinner. All of that came later.
There was never any ice that needed to be broken, it felt more like I was swimming around in his mind and his thoughts.
I like that our foundation wasn’t about spending money on dates or an obsession with intimacy or going to parties or just simply having someone there because everyone else had someone.
Our friendship and companionship was established so quickly that it became symbiotic.
There was a time when we were too dependent of one another and spending too much time together.
Everything can’t be about the other person and after being with someone every day for so long, you each become one half of the same person.
I had to realize early on that in a balanced relationship each person has to be their own entity.
It’s easy to say and easy to think but when you’ve already immersed yourself in a relationship, it’s also easy to forget who you were before, your opinions, your idiosyncrasies and sometimes your own friends. But, there is also beauty in becoming two halves of a whole.
I find it wonderful that you can become so in sync with someone and grow to be two peas in a pod.
It’s a beautiful concept but it’s not healthy or realistic.
In my experience, distance really does make the heart grow fonder.
It wasn’t just in the beginning of our relationship that moving away was a possibility.
Throughout all three years it was always imminent. Yet, we still kept going.
People on the outside of your relationship can’t help but gossip about you and assume things.
The ones who knew we had future plans that didn’t include one another, would ask us ‘what is the point of staying together’ and that, ‘if we really loved the other person, we would just break up.’
Hearing that really emphasizes to me how much a long-term relationship becomes a little world.
One that other people don’t and can’t understand.
It’s worth it to me to have stayed in a relationship that has an impending expiration date because it’s all an experience and worthwhile.
In three years we’ve traveled, cooked, watched Star Wars, fought, matured and supported one another; but I am also his best friend.
There are just too many frivolous relationships in this world and if people would put more meaning and effort, it will work out. It did for me.