Some people would say that the strongest people are derived from pain.
I truly believe that one of the hardest parts in life is the healing process.
Some of us just need the guidance and reassurance that things are going to be okay in order to help ourselves heal.
I was one of these people.
I found out I was pregnant in early December.
I was so excited.
My boyfriend smiled in excitement and hugged and kissed me when I told him.
Within the next couple days we revealed the surprise to close family and friends.
Everyone was so excited and their support made me feel so good.
I honestly never knew I would have a child at 23 years old, but I was so happy about it.
I was almost six weeks pregnant. Instantly, I started doing everything I could in order to stay
healthy for my baby.
Every night when I took a bath I spoke to the baby, reassuring that I would be the best mother I could be.
I prayed every night for a healthy baby and guidance to get through all obstacles in order to be a great mother.
I just knew things would be okay.
Then one night I realized there was a spot of blood on my underwear.
I instantly dropped my head in my lap and started crying.
I was now 10 weeks pregnant, I knew that it was not normal to bleed.
My boyfriend and I rushed to the emergency room.
I was so scared, I didn’t know what to think.
I still remember the first words the doctor said to me as soon as she walked into the room: my baby
was not surviving.
I had never cried so much in my life.
I looked at the pain in my boyfriend’s eyes and it hurt me even more inside.
I wanted to die.
I didn’t understand what went wrong and what we had done to deserve this.
The pain was something I had never felt before, and I was blaming it all on myself.
I hated myself.
For the next few weeks I had to see my OBGYN about once a week.
Due to my situation, I had to have surgery in order to remove the remains of the baby
out of me so that I didn’t get sick.
I was so embarrassed going to my appointments.
There were always pregnant women in the waiting area, and it made me uncomfortable
to know that I wouldn’t get to have a belly like them.
After beating myself up for weeks, I realized that there was nothing wrong with me.
I did nothing wrong.
The baby was not surviving because of issues that I could not control.
I knew that I had to come to terms with this and realize that I can get through this.
I finally was able to tell my close family and friends and it hurt them.
Despite their pain and tears they gave me the support I needed to realize that everything was going to be okay.
I know that there are people out there that have been through similar situations but may be scared
to talk about it.
Don’t beat yourself up.
Don’t blame yourself.
Don’t hate yourself.
Don’t be embarrassed.
You will get through this, no matter how much it hurts.
Sometimes we just need reassurance, closure, and support in order to help us move on.
I want to help anyone out there heal, just as I am still doing.
If anyone needs someone to talk to, contact me.
I would love to hear personal stories, comments and advice.
Please Email me at MarionVingleton@gmail.com.